Are You Lazy, But Still Need Money?

Work at Wal-Mart! Then you can know nothing about what you're selling, do practically nothing and get paid! I should work there!

Sorry, I do know people who work at Wal-Mart and have great work ethics, but it's rare.

Here's A Question For You...

It's been brought to my attention on numerous occasions that Liberals don't agree with war mostly because people die. Now I'm going to try to say this with as much compassion as possible: it's war, people are going to die. Yes, I feel sorry for the families of our honored soldiers but the fine men and women that protect our country signed up for it. They knew that joining the armed forces could get them killed. You can't pull out of a war because people that knew the risk they were taking and were proud of it are dying. If you disagree, I'd love to hear what you have to say. And I won't shun you nor will I let anyone else. But I will say that I have no idea how you can disagree, so I'd love to know what you're thinking.

I'm Not Dead, And Neither Are You!

So the world didn't end a few days ago; in case you were wondering. The only way it could have is if we're stuck in the matrix in which case I could fly. Seeing how I can't though this gives me good news to give you. We aren't dead. Well, depending on what you believe that could be a bad thing. Like me, I know that being in heaven would be more fun but I still have stuff to do here. So I made a check list of things that I want to do before I die.

• Kill terrorists.
• Paintball about a lot more times.
• Kill more terrorists.
• Have people I don't know read this blog.
• Kill terrorists in disguise. Ex. Paula Abdul, Star Jones, and Tom Cruise.

I think that's a reasonable list... Anyone else want to help me?

My Kind Of Terrorist Killing Music!

Now here is some good music for killing terrorists... maybe that's the problem. Anti-terrorist troops aren't listening to this! There's two versions with video so watch/listen/love both.

I Don't Like You, So Now You're Friends With Osama.

Now we all know that our beautiful country can't have an election without slander campaigns. But it gets to a point where it's just ridiculous. John Spencer, a member of the GOP and hopeful canidate for senate, has recently released an ad against everyone's favorite female senator, Hillary Clinton. Now sure, I'm not a fan of her either, but he's claiming she has ties to Osama bin Laden. His proof? She opposed the patriot act, which she voted for. Now, it's odd for me to defend a democrat, so I won't. I will simply follow suit. Here is my list of people I don't like and why:

• Martha Stewart-Convicted felon, False idol, Satanist.
• Condoleeza Rice-First name starts with "condo," Last name is a kind of food, Anti-Christ.
• Chris Rock-Loud, Not always funny, Supports cancer.
• Evan Gosa from 10^th grade math class-Dumb, Full of himself, Created AIDs and then spread it to his many male lovers.
• Señora Velasco-Hoeft-Horrible teacher, Very annoying, President of the National Babies Should Die (Especially The Cute Ones) Society, or "NBSD(ETCO)S" for short.
• Mohammed-Too frickin' camera shy, Wants me dead, Had ties to Hitler.
• Adolph Hitler-Killed Jews, Killed other innocents, Hated puppies.
  
• Julia Roberts-Stars in horrible movies, Stars in even worse movies, Was a key player in the 9/11 attacks.

So there you have it. These people are/were horrible people and should be hated or at least sent a letter of mild to moderate disgust.

Why Do You People Think Isreal's Wrong?

I have heard that people are upset at Isreal for killing terrorists. I don't understand it. There are multiple reasons why Isreal attacking Lebanon is actually good.

1. Killing terrorists helps us not die. You may not understand that every time a terrorist dies, that's one less person who wants to kill you.
2. I like living.
   
3. Any war that Isreal is in is a holy war. And interfering with those is not good.
4. Isreal has taken a lot of crap from every single country in the middle east. I think that they have a right to fight people trying to blow them up everyday.
5. Isreal makes sweet guns. They get to use them. Now.

Who can argue with that logic?

This Means You Can't Need To Go To The Bathroom

That's right, leave your urine in the atrium because no liquids are allowed on planes. Honestly, all these safety precautions are getting tedious and just plain dumb. Pretty soon flesh won't be allowed on planes because terrorists can take that and set it on fire. So to start getting used to it please leave all flesh at home or check it with your other luggage. Thank you for your cooperation.

Ha! A Real Post!

That's right! This isn't one of those fake "This blog isn't dead" posts other blogs do! This is a real, live, funny post! Look at all this political content! It's amazing!